Openness and honesty are essential ingredients for a great relationship, but being in love, or thinking that we are in love can cause us to do some unwise things, including spilling every detail about our lives to that person we think we are in love with.
You’re starting to date someone new. You have a secret. At what point do you reveal uncomfortable information with your new partner?
Here is a guide that will help you on what to do.
1. Do not start sharing too early
“Too much too soon” can often be a deal-breaker, regardless of the information being shared. Unless your secret affects your everyday life — and will affect your dating life very early in a relationship — hold off on unloading “heavy” stories until there’s a reason to tell them.
If you’re nervous on a first date, focus your attention on the other person rather than babble on about how you filed for a loan last year or why you’re currently still sleeping with your ex.
Don’t unload simply because it will make you feel better. It’s not fair to your date to tell him everything about your abusive childhood before the drinks arrive.
Wait until you know you can trust him— and you believe he cares enough about you to want to know painful details about your past.
2. If the relationship is still young, share only what he needs to know
Everyone deserves to know whom they are getting involved with, but you can date someone for months and still not know that person. You can also be open and honest without being naive.
If a relationship is still in its tender stages, beware of how open you are. You can never tell what your being open would do to you.
3. Is the person trustworthy?
Can the person be trusted with the information you’re about to share? If you two were to break up, would you be okay with him knowing your secrets? If you’re not sure, hold off until you feel safe with the person.
If you know the answer is no, then you probably shouldn’t be dating him in the first place. Don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position with someone who can’t be discreet or compassionate.
4. If it’s not necessary, you don’t need to share it
If the information has no bearing on your current relationship and is likely to stir up unnecessary jealousy and insecurity on the part of your partner, keep your mouth closed. In some instances, certain information is necessary for you to share.
For example, if you’ve had a medical procedure done in your past which will prevent you from having kids with your current partner, this is not information you should keep from your partner.
However, if you once cheated on your partner in a previous relationship, you’ve changed, and have no interest in cheating in your current relationship, there’s no need to tell your partner that.
Not every man can handle certain information even it’s from his past. Your confession could do more harm than good to your current relationship.
5. Not everybody knows how to keep a secret
Before you share, know that there is a 50-50 chance of your partner telling his close friends, siblings or parents about your secret. So as you start sharing, it is advisable to be very careful.
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