At the beginning of a new relationship, you’ll be forgiven for seeing everything through love blinded eyes – dreaming about your future together is part of the honeymoon period for a new relationship.
But once this has worn off, you’ll realize that your once-perfect human being is also susceptible to their fair share of imperfections. Aww, sorry to burst your bubble.
In modern relationships, we are too idealistic and expect too much from our partners, which means we might never be truly fulfilled.
Some people do have unrealistically grand expectations of their partner, although it’s also common for people to have very low ones. The truth is that no relationship is going to be perfect so setting your expectations too high may lead to a lot of disappointment, tears, and heartache.”
These are six tell-tale signs that you may have set your standards too high.
1. You always idealise other people’s relationships
They say no one knows what a relationship is like behind closed doors and putting other people’s relationships on a scale is a sign that you could be setting yourself up for failure.
Our parents’ relationship can be a very huge influence here – if we think they seemed like the perfect couple, we may set our expectations quite high and keep looking for the perfect partner. We also have a tendency to compare current lovers to our exes.
If your ex was a lovely cook, who could make do the most affectionate things without you asking, for example, you may begin to expect the same from your new partner, but it’s important to remember that everyone is unique in their own way and each person has their own strengths and weaknesses.”
2. You compare your relationship to movies
We can all fall guilty of lusting after Prince Charming, especially when Nollywood makes them seem so so appealing, but we need to embrace our partner entirely – bumps and all.
Nollywood films and romantic novels can also have an influence, by leading us to believe that there’s one perfect person out there who will find us and meet all of our needs. This myth, if believed can mean people don’t feel the need to work at their relationship. If there are problems, they immediately think they have made the wrong choice of partner.
The truth is that no relationship is perfect so setting your expectations too high may lead to a lot of disappointment and heartache.
3. You expect your partner to spend all their time with you
Obviously, everyone wants to spend time with their partner, and have mutual interests and hobbies to share, but there is a difference between enjoying their company and requiring they be present 24/7.
We rely on our partners for so much these days but it’s healthy to have some separate interests and to enjoy the company of a few friends and family. It means you’ll have more to talk about when you guys are together.
Not only that, but you will find that spending all your time with your partner makes you both intellectually and emotionally dependent on them.
4. You believe you should be showered with romantic gifts
A kind gesture or an unexpected gift is very romantic, but expecting your partner to constantly shower you with lavish gifts might mean you are setting yourself up for disappointment. After all, you aren’t being bought, are you?
Expecting your partner to buy you gifts and make romantic gestures all of the time may be expecting too much.
Of course, the odd thoughtful surprise is lovely but it shouldn’t determine the quality of your relationship. Trust, open communication and understanding are more important so try to focus on this.
5. You get frustrated when they don’t read your mind
Often a lack of communication can present big problems in a relationship, mainly when you think your partner doesn’t understand you. Remember that something crystal clear to you, may not be so obvious to them. So give your partner the benefit of the doubt and try to talk in clear terms.
Sometimes we expect our partners to be mind-readers but it’s unrealistic to think they’re going to know what you are thinking all of the time. If you’re angry or upset, talk to them about it and explain why, rather than expecting them to know the reason for you being upset.
6. You are unable to agree with your partner on expectations
The last telltale sign that you might be expecting too much of your partner, is if neither of you can agree on what is reasonable. This might not apply to every relationship – especially if there is an imbalance of power or emotional abuse – but if you consider your partner to be rational, caring and invested, maybe it’s time to look at what you’re asking.
Do this as early on in the relationship if you can but even if you’ve been together for years, it’s still worth having the conversation and both of you reviewing your expectations over time as you both change and grow together. If you think their expectations are unrealistic then talk it through with them.
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